I, Mother of an Addict

Por Desirée Bujanda Misle

If you're afraid to lose someone you love because of consumption of alcohol, other drugs or addictive behavior (compulsive gambling, addiction to food, videogames, sex, social network), I invite you to know my experience so that you may take the first step and achieve your loved one's recovery together.During my son's treatment I decided to share my experience, from my deepest intimacy, and help those that might be inside that maze with no exits. My experience in the beginning is painful, filled with guilt and shame, but later on turns satisfactory, filled with learning. It is very important to let go of prejudices and to value the addict, who suffers in silence and for whom will is not a main resource.Knowing the disease allowed me to heal my emotional codependency, have a new life through self-knowledge, acceptance and personal growth, with important achievements in healthy relationships and a nourishing life purpose.My book will be today and from now on my banner to help break stigmas and obtain more support in treatment of addiction.

• Idioma: Español
• Editorial: Universo de Letras
• Fecha de lanzamiento: 26 feb 2021
• ISBN: 9788418571343

Desirée Bujanda Misle

Desirée Bujanda Misle (1963), Caracas, Venezuela. Autodidacta en el tema de adicción y codependencia por un giro inesperado en su vida. La motiva «en todo amar y servir». Es una voz, una cara visible, que busca poner punto final al estigma de la adicción. Abogada egresada de la Universidad Católica Andrés Bello. Experiencia profesional en cargos gerenciales y directivos por 30 años.

Vista previa del libro

Desirée Bujanda Misle

I, Mother of an Addict

I, Mother of an Addict

Desirée Bujanda Misle

This book has been published by its author through the self-publishing service of EDITORIAL PLANETA, S.A.U. for distribution purposes and made available to public under publishing brand known as Universo de Letras, therefore author assumes full responsibility for contents included herein.

Total or partial reproduction of this book is forbidden, as is its incorporation to a computerized system, transmission in any way or by any means, whether electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording or any other method, without previous and written consent from its author. Violation of aforementioned rights may be considered a criminal offence against intellectual property (Art. 270 and following of Criminal Code).

© Desirée Bujanda Misle, 2021

Cover design: Universo de Letras design Team

Cover image: ©Shutterstock.com

Style editing: Jhonny Mendes Montilla

Translated by: Mariela Guevara Bujanda

universodeletras.com

First edition: 2021

ISBN:9788418570469

ISBN eBook: 9788418571343

Nothing is lost if one has the courage to proclaim that all is lost and we must begin anew

Julio Cortázar

Dedication

To my son Gustavo because our love was my inspiration and, as we have always stated, our purpose is to love and serve in everything.

To my husband Eduardo; even though I narrate in first person, you are there. This is our experience, our story. Beyond thanking you for your encouragement, I value your passion and dedication towards what we dream of and fight for. This project would not have been possible without you just as everything we have undertaken together as a team.

To my son Andres and his spouse Albany, who discovered a profound meaning in my testimony and encouraged me to go forward.

Acknowledgments

To Marijo, for helping me get my thoughts together and letting

me believe that it was worth it to keep going so that this «deep love story» could become a book.

To Jhonny, for accompanying me during text correction.

Your knowledge and my desire to learn teamed up to find proper music and the best outfit for this «whirlpool of feelings» in order to take the stage with elegance.

Foreword

Desiree Bujanda Misle called me one weekend to tell me about her book «I, Mother of an Addict», and invited me to write its foreword. I told her that I felt honored but my agenda was full. We kept talking and I can’t deny feeling fascinated by the idea of a mother telling her experience of accompanying her addict son along his path towards recovery.

I asked her to send me the manuscript to review it and take my final decision. Very politely she wrote me an email expressing there was no obligation on writing the foreword of her book if I wasn’t able to. It was an invitation and, as such, I could respond however I wanted and that she would perfectly understand it. She used this example «it’s like when someone asks you to dance, you can say yes or no».

I accepted her invitation and here I am sharing my impressions. Once I started to read the book, its content touched my heart. People who are very dear to me addicted to alcohol, drugs, gambling… started to flash through my mind.

This book takes you through the difficult and steep path of recovering from addictions in a fluent, intense, reasoned and essentially human way.

We all know the stigma faced by persons trapped in addictions, starting with their relatives who have a hard time understanding that all behaviors resulting from addiction are symptoms of the disease.

Addiction is a chronic disease that requires treatment and accompaniment with lots of ups and downs. The most difficult challenge for the addict is to acknowledge having an addiction and to accept the need of support.

Bujanda gives a powerful content to the phrase «Love that kills» when she brings up the topic of affective codependency. «Co-addiction is a disease suffered by relatives and persons who are close to the addict».

You go through this process with the certainty that God is by your side. A faith rooted in reality which transcends in order to transform it into a liberating process in which you learn about grief, as a master that allows you to accept and transform yourself. This is when you discover that vulnerability is not weakness but a possibility when your soul strips from fears, prejudices and stigmas until the miracle takes place and you realize that being thankful is the key.

Desiree Bujanda Misle’s desire to help others by sharing her challenging journey, gave sense to the completion of this foreword. I conceived it as an invitation to continue this path towards recovery for many families trapped in addictions.

There are many feelings and emotions involved for those affected by having loved ones with addictions. It´s like being in a tunnel with no exit, a labyrinth without signaling… Each family member lives the situation differently, with guilt, anger, frustration, helplessness… there may be conflicts, accusations and judgements often unfair because there is an emotional open wound.

In your hands you have a book describing the process that gave new life to this mother and her family, who worked hard to overcome codependency.

The goal of the author is to share her experience since family recovery is a process that requires clear, direct and digestible information, which allows you to accept the disease and become treatment allies, being empathetic and compassionate with the addict, very far from pity, paralysis and resignation.

These pages show a healing, transforming and liberating experience for Bujanda.

Oscar Misle Terrero.

Educator.

Founder and member of the Board of Trustees of Cecodap

(Community Learning Centers)

Introduction

«A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step».

Lao Tze

I am not a writer, a physician or a therapist. I am an emotionally codependent mother of my addict son. I wish to share my experience as mother of a recovering addict. Yes, on his way to recovery, because the period of time necessary for symptoms to disappear has still not elapsed.

I firmly believe that I can help others by narrating from my deepest intimacy this unexpected journey which started when I found out that my son was using marijuana and later became promising when he undertook the responsibility of initiating and fulfilling a treatment for his addiction.

I was encouraged to carry out this challenge by the hope of contributing to break the stigma towards addicts, as well as helping their families to find a solution, a timely effective recovery with less prejudice, by means of information and knowledge.

I know the fear of feeling inside a labyrinth without exit. I understand the despair for having no one to talk with because of shame. I know what it means to ask questions after questions without obtaining any answers. This is the reason why I want to become a voice, a visible face, be a support for others, so in the future we can form an endless chain, supporting each other while treating addiction.

The key is to be prepared for war. You can lose a battle, and although I felt this defeat in many moments, and after several failed attempts, today I can say that it is possible to win the war and during so, as contradictory as it may seem, you die but are born again. Lives are saved and, even more importantly, you reborn to have a happy and healthy life, without being under the yoke of drugs or of an addictive behavior.

These pages describe how my good and beloved son saved his life and the joy of his recovery which revitalized us both personally and as a family, and allowed us to work on our codependency towards him, which is exhausting and causes terrible damage.

Co-addiction is a disease suffered by relatives and persons who are close to the addict. It is evidenced by a controlling, overprotecting behavior which encourages the patient to keep using drugs, promotes harmful affective dependent relations, and interferes adversely in a key decision that can only be taken and